Yesterday I read a blog entry from one of my favorite authors Sarah Bessey. In which she declared she was no longer afraid.http://sarahbessey.com/youre-afraid/. If you know me IRL or have read many of my post you will understand why I found this writing so powerful. It truly caused me to weep. I wanted to stand with Sarah and let our voices tremble together as we spoke what God was saying to us.
I was blessed as a young woman out of college to be hired as a children’s pastor in a United Methodist Church and had the pleasure to serve in three of them over the next 14 years and currently attend a fourth one. Early in these years someone gave me a copy of Ruth Tucker’s Women In The Maze https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/818668.Women_in_the_Maze. With that one book all of my questions and doubts about women in leadership vanished. That and serving in a church and denomination that fully ordained women and recognized them as 100% equal with men in every way including their ability to lead. However, I will never forget there are women and girls who hear everyday that God will never call them to lead simply because they are female.
I reposted Sarah’s blog yesterday on Facebook. A friend of mine commented that Sarah and I obviously has some heavy stuff to walk through and how she was blessed to never have experienced anyone being bothered with her leading just because she was a woman. I responded to her that my point was not simply about women being left out of leadership but about how it feels to be a Christian who often finds herself on the opposite side of issues of most Believers.
As I was chatting with another friend about it last night she pointed out the the things that I am passionate are “heavy stuff to walk through” and she was right. I have spent years ( and still do) spend a lot of time trying to figure out the heart that God has given me. I struggle with how a church says all are welcome but make little jokes about groups not like them. I struggle greatly with the idea that as a Christian I am not suppose to want the government to help people. How as a Christian I am suppose to more concerned with my government keeping my homosexual friends from marrying than I am with people having healthcare. I struggle with huge thoughts that I really could be getting it all wrong. How could I see things one way when so many people I truly respect and that I know love Jesus see things so differently . That is one question that I don’t have an answer for. All I know is that for me the closer I walk with Jesus the more secure I feel in my beliefs.
As long as I am walking with Jesus on this earth I will be walking through this “heavy stuff”. As long as there is injustice and hurting and I feel that burning inside of me that I know comes from God I will be walking though it. Walking through this “heavy stuff” is precisely what Christ called me to do when he told me to take up my cross and follow him.