Use My Voice

Speaking up about the issues I can't get out of my head or heart.

Questions Again

on August 29, 2012

I am feel like my brain is on a ride at the fair right now. Noah and I leave this afternoon to go to Augusta for his neuropsych evaluation.  It’s really hard just to write that you are taking your child for a two-day neuropysch exam much less to actually think about what it all means.  He is anxious, very anxious.  (It probably does not help that he is getting over strep throat. ) When Noah gets anxious he paces and he ask questions., lots of questions. Generally the same questions over and over again. When are we leaving? What will I do? Where will we eat? Will Daddy know how to get Isaac and Maggie to school? Is Grandma allowed to pick them up?  Trying to answer all of questions does not help me to feel less anxious or to make sure I have answered all of my own questions.  Did I pack his medicine?  Have I told Scott how the crazy preschool carpool line works? Did I pack myself any clothes? These are the kind of days I envy all you list makers. You would have started your list a month ago when you scheduled these appointments. You would have realized then that it feel the same week as the first week of preschool and right before a holiday weekend. However somehow none of these things really occurred to me until Sunday. That’s what happens when you are an event to event kind of person like me.

I wrote before about all the questions that come when you are raising a child with special needs.  Well they are back. If I am honest I know my spinning head really isn’t about carpool line or packing my clothes.  I am nervous for him. I am not nervous about the results or what they mean for Scott and I.  I am nervous for Noah. How does it feel to him to be doing two days of testing?  How will he hold up? What questions does he have about himself floating through his head? I think the biggest question is how will we explain the results to him? I know the answer to that question depends on what the test show us but it is still a really big question in my mind. So maybe it’s not just Noah that’s anxious. I guess I am to. I know I have to keep mine at a close guard because Noah can sense any anxiousness on my part in a second. I have to be calm and keep myself together. I have to convince him that yes it will be a couple of long days but we will also have some great fun time just us (which I am really looking forward to).

So I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers over the next couple of days. Pray that Noah will continue to feel better physically and have the stamina to finish the testing. Pray that peace over takes me so that I can provide it for him. Pray that all of the questions in my mind will be quite for a couple of days.

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2 responses to “Questions Again

  1. Shelly Kozozemski says:

    Prays for both of you… Although it’s a very stressful circumstance, enjoy your one-on-one time together!

  2. Kristy says:

    PRAYING!!! Oh my goodness I am praying for you Ashley. My phone is broken so I cannot text you…darn! Please please please keep me posted on this one okay!

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