Use My Voice

Speaking up about the issues I can't get out of my head or heart.

I am so glad that God did not give me a puppy.

on April 13, 2012

In 48 hours my baby girl will be two. In some ways I can’t believe she is already two and in others I can’t believe she is only two. She fits the role of baby in the family so well.  She by far has done many things faster than either of my others. She is the most verbal two-year old I have ever met (and my boys were big talkers) she dresses herself, and she buckles her own car seat.On the other hand she has held on to her “babyhood” longer than the others.  She nursed the longest, still sleeps with a paci, and expects that people will give her what she wants we she wants it. When I think about the last two years I can’t help but think about how I almost missed this.

For the year before she was conceived we talked about having a third all the time.  Should we? Shouldn’t we? We had already lost one and I wasn’t sure I could go through that again. We had one child with moderate special needs and another with a heart condition, hadn’t we pressed our luck enough already? Then there was the issue of my body. Did I really want to lose control of it for 9 months of pregnancy and a year of nursing? I was just really getting back into shape. In fact I looked and felt the best I probably ever had.  Also, we had achieved a level of freedom. The boys and I could leave for a day trip on a moments notice. Noah would pack the sandwiches, Isaac would get things for the car, we had a system. Our life was pretty good.  Did we really want to change things?

How about a puppy instead? We already had a dog. We love dogs. Lets just get a puppy. I began to research and look at recuse groups. We were going to get a puppy. I was so excited about a puppy. Then in late August early September I began to not feel so well. I was tired. bone crushing, can’t move after 3:00 in the afternoon tired.  I had felt this way before.  I knew what this feeling was.

The best part of telling people that we were expecting was when my mother in law stood up and yelled, “It’s not a puppy!” I will cherish that moment forever.  That and at the ultrasound when the tech said, “It’s a girl” and I said, “no way” were probably my two favorite moments of my pregnancy.

So here we are two years later and I finally feel like we have achieved a similar level of freedom that we had before. I ended up nursing her for 18 months (and wouldn’t trade a minute of it). My house is never clean and it is often 10:00 at night before Scott and I have a real conversation. There are clothes I still can’t fit in. However, I have this beautiful creature in my life, in our family. She changed us forever. From the moment she was born she changed us.  She sings and dances. She has to try on all the “pretties” in the store. My boys now know the princesses and feel it’s their duty as brothers to watch them with her. Yet you can tell she has two older brothers when she tackles you flat to the ground or proudly declares, “I tooted”.

Margaret Abigail, our “pearl of joy”. Her name could not fit her better.


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