Use My Voice

Speaking up about the issues I can't get out of my head or heart.

Life and Loss

on March 27, 2012

I thought about you in the dark hours of the night last night. I’ve thought about you a lot the last few days. You would be three and a half now. The baby that I never got to hold. The one I never got to nurse.The one I lost four years ago this week. I do not know what your name would have been or even if you would have been a brother or a sister to your siblings. I wonder sometimes how you would have changed my world. Each of your siblings have changed me in a profound way and I sometimes wonder what your role in that would have been. Then I realize that you did change me. You made me realize what I wanted most in life.The loss of you came at a time that my life was very confusing at a time I was serching for direction. The loss of you made things very clear to me. I knew what I wanted my life to be about. You made me a better mother. You made me more aware of the hurt and pain of others. So thank I find myself able after all these years to be able to thank God for the brief gift of your life. Your life inside of me changed me forever.

 

 

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One response to “Life and Loss

  1. I’m so sorry Ashley, I had no idea. Prayers for you today, I know the pain of that birthday and these memories. I know the weight and know the dreams and the change… and I definitely know I need the extra prayers every time he’s on my mind…

    Praying for peace for you and your loves.

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