Use My Voice

Speaking up about the issues I can't get out of my head or heart.

Life and Loss

on March 27, 2012

I thought about you in the dark hours of the night last night. I’ve thought about you a lot the last few days. You would be three and a half now. The baby that I never got to hold. The one I never got to nurse.The one I lost four years ago this week. I do not know what your name would have been or even if you would have been a brother or a sister to your siblings. I wonder sometimes how you would have changed my world. Each of your siblings have changed me in a profound way and I sometimes wonder what your role in that would have been. Then I realize that you did change me. You made me realize what I wanted most in life.The loss of you came at a time that my life was very confusing at a time I was serching for direction. The loss of you made things very clear to me. I knew what I wanted my life to be about. You made me a better mother. You made me more aware of the hurt and pain of others. So thank I find myself able after all these years to be able to thank God for the brief gift of your life. Your life inside of me changed me forever.




One response to “Life and Loss

  1. I’m so sorry Ashley, I had no idea. Prayers for you today, I know the pain of that birthday and these memories. I know the weight and know the dreams and the change… and I definitely know I need the extra prayers every time he’s on my mind…

    Praying for peace for you and your loves.

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